MASSPUBETTE INTRODUCES NEW SLEEPWEAR LINE

For those of you planning to visit The MassPube this holiday season, please note that, with the high price of heating oil, the house will always be a balmy 62 degrees or less for your continuing comfort.

We have a simple motto here at L'Manse Pube, the hereditary estate of The MassPube, and it is, "If you're here and you want to get warm, please step outside". So dress for the weather even if you're planning to stay inside the whole time. You have been warned.

The MassPubette has adapted over the years and is pleased to announce that she has turned it all into a business.

She is seen below ( on the right) getting ready to hit the runway at the first designer lingerie show of her new line of
" MassPubette's Secret Winter Lingerie.

As a loyal MassPube reader, you'll receive a discount when you request and purchase from our catalog of other sealskin and walrus scent designer clothes by writing us at themasspube@yahoo.com. Use code # 128475YT6473829K 639382612 for your 3% discount on any pre-paid order over $2500.00

MASSPUBE POLITICAL UPDATE

The MassPube's choice for best politician out there, Congressman Jeff Flake (R-AZ). This guy, so far, is absolutely outstanding. Interviewed on 60 Minutes and Bill Maher, he is the anti-"earmark" king and goes after the slime in both parties,i.e., everybody else..

Earmarks are the expenditures secretly hidden in a given, important bill to satisfy local needs of national politicians, like the Alaskan 'Bridge to Nowhere', the multi zillion dollar bridge connecting the town of WalrusTurds to neighboring Letsrubnoses, AK.

Once The MassPube Library, a sixteen story edifice in Boogers, WY (an important and necessary earmark attached to the Anti Terrorist Funding bill) is built, The MassPube stands heartily with Representative Flake.



MassPube Library, Boogers, WY, artists rendition

Keep an eye on Flake. Hopefully he won't turn into a two faced,well, flake.

The Masspube Goes To The Dentist

Work was so God damn boring that I was dying for something more pleasant to do ,so Your Masspube had his equicentennial appointment for teeth cleaning and a checkup last Monday at 11am with a dentist in my office building, a Dr. Mengele from the University of Lowenbrau.

The hygienist, Fraulein Karen, took one look inside my mouth, cleared the other patients from the office, put on a yellow Hazmat suit, started molding plastic fuses for detonation and brought out the heavy equipment for plaque removal. After twenty minutes Karen had had enough of scraping and digging and lit the fuses on the plastic explosives.

Two others patients were maimed in the explosion but I am happy to report that a meat bit served at my Bar Mitzvah was finally dislodged from my molar.

Once the smoke cleared, the dentist came in.,mumbled "Hello", sits down on the stool next to me and says very quietly, tools in hand, ......."and now, Mr. Pube, I'm going to examine your mouth.

To which The MassPube answered, "My mouth???. Aren't you Dr. Mengele, the proctologist? Christ, I'm in the wrong office...and what in hell, may I ask, are my pants doing off?

Yes, he laughed ................ then he started probing and reporting aloud as he checked each individual tooth ; "#1 has a serious torgenflap. #7 needs a silicate sveden, #9 has a reduced dwyvert and will need to be cryo-schtupped" and so it went all the way to #32, fyi, missing in action.

At the end of the appointment , they gave me two small tubes of toothpaste and a toothbrush as though we didn't have any at home and had never thought of purchasing them.

Why do dentists do this? Does your MD give you a band-aid when you leave saying , "Here. If you ever have a skin abrasion of any type, remove the backing and place it over the cut. I hope you remember who gave it to you".

But never one to pass on a good business idea, Masspube Medical Gifts LLC, A division of MassPube International now offers "From your Proctologist to you" a new service which allows registered practitioners to give out framed photos of The MassPube's ex-bosses to patients , a thoughtful and lovely reminder to care for your asshole on a daily basis.