The Masspube Goes To The Dentist

Work was so God damn boring that I was dying for something more pleasant to do ,so Your Masspube had his equicentennial appointment for teeth cleaning and a checkup last Monday at 11am with a dentist in my office building, a Dr. Mengele from the University of Lowenbrau.

The hygienist, Fraulein Karen, took one look inside my mouth, cleared the other patients from the office, put on a yellow Hazmat suit, started molding plastic fuses for detonation and brought out the heavy equipment for plaque removal. After twenty minutes Karen had had enough of scraping and digging and lit the fuses on the plastic explosives.

Two others patients were maimed in the explosion but I am happy to report that a meat bit served at my Bar Mitzvah was finally dislodged from my molar.

Once the smoke cleared, the dentist came in.,mumbled "Hello", sits down on the stool next to me and says very quietly, tools in hand, ......."and now, Mr. Pube, I'm going to examine your mouth.

To which The MassPube answered, "My mouth???. Aren't you Dr. Mengele, the proctologist? Christ, I'm in the wrong office...and what in hell, may I ask, are my pants doing off?

Yes, he laughed ................ then he started probing and reporting aloud as he checked each individual tooth ; "#1 has a serious torgenflap. #7 needs a silicate sveden, #9 has a reduced dwyvert and will need to be cryo-schtupped" and so it went all the way to #32, fyi, missing in action.

At the end of the appointment , they gave me two small tubes of toothpaste and a toothbrush as though we didn't have any at home and had never thought of purchasing them.

Why do dentists do this? Does your MD give you a band-aid when you leave saying , "Here. If you ever have a skin abrasion of any type, remove the backing and place it over the cut. I hope you remember who gave it to you".

But never one to pass on a good business idea, Masspube Medical Gifts LLC, A division of MassPube International now offers "From your Proctologist to you" a new service which allows registered practitioners to give out framed photos of The MassPube's ex-bosses to patients , a thoughtful and lovely reminder to care for your asshole on a daily basis.