I'm never in a hurry since all I'm doing is going to work and who in their right mind wants to get there quicker. So I take the time to notice things and The MassPube has noticed that the most dangerous thing on the road isn't car phone usage.
It is Dunkin' Donuts.Not the place. Lord knows I love Dunkin' Donuts, but the drivers heading in and out. I pass six Dunkin' Donuts on my 19 mile commute to work. In New England, this is a low percentage, so I guess I'm lucky. Here, they're like Sherman tanks to which we don't apply " miles per gallon", but rather "gallons per mile".
Go five miles without a Dunkin' Donuts sign and starvation lurks around the corner. It's no wonder that the Donner party started around here in Newburyport, MA and wound up eating their friends in California. No New Englander could go that long without one and shouldn't be expected to. You become crazed and, trust me, the guy in the next wagon does start to look like a butter crunch donut!
For about half of the people in front of me, it's a last minute screeching decision to turn into the parking lot of the next Dunkin' Donuts.
For the other half, the decision is made about 1/4 mile before the turn and we approach slowly ...very very slowly... before the turn is made. How slow? If you look hard , you can actually see people evolving in the car behind you.
The only thing worse than the folks going into Dunkin' Donuts are those coming out. Now armed with a burning hot liquid on their lap, their attention diverted to protecting "mamacita" from third degree burns, they pull out with wild abandon, then slow to a crawl as they apply balm to the affected pubic areas.
Beware the Dunkin' Donuts fiends.
But in the meantime, I'll have a burning hot latte and a cinnamon stick to go while I'm shifting gears, changing the CD and talking on the phone. After all, ya gotta' eat!
