With every state now trying to beat every other state by having the first primary, New Hampshire has decided to have the first primary for the 2012 election on November 5th, 2008, one day after the Presidential election. "We're sick of this shit from our 49 brethren", said Dewey R. Donwee of Berlin,NH,"We've always been first and we intend to remain first". The Little State that Could than chugged ,"I think I can. I think I can".
Flori-duh, which can't, immediately scoffed at their " can-do" attitude.And in response, Flori-DUH, which looks like a penis and which just announced a primary for January (which,in turn, pissed off South Carolina who immediately started shelling Fort Sumter) announced that they are moving their 2012 primary to the day of the 2008 election.
Flori-duh Governor Charlie ("Jesus") Crist said, " Our voters are so screwed up, they have no idea who the hell they're voting for anyway. After all, liberal Palm Beach County voted overwhelmingly for Pat Buchanon in 2000 until we realized they had punched out the wrong chad since we had accidentally placed Gore's name under a referendum to end grapefruit blight in Escambia County by 2016".
Nevada then announced that they are skipping 2008 entirely and will count any votes placed on November 4th, 2008 as 2012 primary votes. This worried John McCain, the Senator from neighboring Arizona, who had planned to be dead for the 2012 election.
With McCain probably dead , this opens the 2012 field to people who have never been elected to anything yet. "I was going to run for Governor in '08 and then make a presidential run in 2012", said future grandson Dickie Cheney the 14th, currently in the womb),"Now I have to enter Nevada's 2012 election by next Thursday and I don't have enough names on the petition because I'm unborn, but I still have rights.". In a surprise move, Congress announced plans to end all this by rescheduling the 2012 election to 2009, one year after the 2008 election, just in case any of the current candidates actually win the presidency........ which means that New Hampshire's primary will have to be moved, if they wish to remain first, to March 13th, 2007, a date which has already passed.
"This proves evolution doesn't exist" said Kansas Senator Sam Brownback as he peeled a banana with his feet!
