In Abington, Massachusetts, a woman is suing the town for the cost of dental work after she took a Tootsie Roll from a candy dish in the town clerk's office and broke her tooth.She wants between $4,000 and $5,000.00! She didn't work there...she was simply getting a dog license. The town is waiting for the insurance company review, but, in the spirit of rebellion, is still offering candy to visitors.
I always hated Tootsie Rolls. They remind me of a turd. In fact when we were kids the fun was putting half of one into your mouth and pretending you were crapping it out. For the totally stupid, candy should come with warnings, like for a Jawbreaker, "Might break your jaw".
Tootsie Rolls have always been hard to chew and should also come with this warning,"Turd shaped bar can cause dental and possibly anal damage if used improperly".
Speaking of long brown things, anal damage and hard to chew , in Colorado, the Reverend Ted Haggard (shown practicing, left) was declared "100% heterosexual" by a review committee from his "Church of the Rectal Lubricant" after he was found to be schtupping his male masseuse, so says his male masseuse who you'd think would know.
Reverend Ted claimed he was doing "sociological research, just like I do each day at my favorite website, "Lactating Lesbian Pygmies. com".
The committee spokesman, Juan the pool boy, reported back that the Reverend, known for his anti-homosexual tirades, is clear of the disease of homosexuality. Praise Jesus! Reverend Ted celebrated by going to see "Spartacus" and then to a Bette Midler concert.
Speaking of mountain highs, we go from Colorado to the village of Viganella, Italy which installed a giant mirror on a local mountaintop to reflect sunlight down to the village in the valley far below, which sounds like the theme from "Billy Jack".
The poor , pale citizenry wasn't getting any sun so, they put this thing up for the cost of about $130,000.00 0r 330 billion lira The designer , Tom Swift Jr. said it should work about as well as "my Electronic Earth Digging Machine". Viganella's mayor, Callamea Irresponsible commented, "Datsa some some spicy mirror dey got upa there. I gets to worka it wid a remote control and right now, I got it aimed at Mamallia Pendulosa's house and me and de boys can see her in de bedaroom from here".
That is all!
