Lost in Translation

AFTER THIS POST, I WON'T BE BACK ON UNTIL WEDNESDAY 4/25. ENJOY THIS AND CHECK BACK THEN................................

Part 1 of 3.........
GONZALES "VOWS TO STAY" says BOSTON GLOBE HEADLINE.

Jake the MassPube translates this to "I'd resign today but my confirmation has not yet come through from Travelocity regarding my post-resignation trip. Hence I'll be resigning next week, just as soon as I get seat assignments, and my letter will say how my staying on would only continue to be a drain on the important work of the US Justice Department. I am expecting The Medal of Freedom from President Bush sometime in August".

Part 2 of 3
REID SAYS "WAR IS LOST", DRAWING GOP REBUKE!
"Republicans pounced on the comment as evidence that Democrats do NOT support the troops"

Jake the MassPube explains the rebuke : This is an astounding leap of logic such as this fictional question: "Do you walk to school or carry your lunch? Aha, obviously you don't support the troops".

This 'rebuke' proves that the Republicans will say and do anything to hang on, to the point (if they had had the chance) of changing into a dress to get on a Titanic lifeboat, making it to the Carpathia and saying "See, I won. I kicked the old lady off the boat because I felt she didn't support the troops".

Considering that we "lost" the war in Vietnam, this country, which cost us 50,000 lives, is now a gentle, non-aggressive country where there are tons of American products ..... and a place where Americans can visit and have a great vacation.

After we win in Iraq, should you visit there for a weekend getaway, Jake says "Bring an extra bag" since you'll probably be bringing your head back as "carry-on" on the return trip.

Part 3 of 3......

Even Jake had trouble translating this Reuters article about a trial in China: " China jailed an Uighur-Canadian for life for separatism and terrorism....The court in Urumqi ...convicted Huseyin Celil,37, of terrorist activities......Celil, whose first name can also be spelled Huseyincan, was the second ethnic Uighur activist jailed in China this week".

Jake had no idea what an Uighar is, let alone an "Uighur-Canadian" ! Uighur ,fyi, is an area in northwest China
Jake thanks Reuters for giving me the other spelling of "Huseyin".
Jakes thanks Reuters for keeping me appraised of the activities of Uighur-Canadians in China which is a topic I usually use to pick up women in bars...which goes a long way to explaining why I haven't gotten laid in two years.


SEE YA WEDNESDAY

First Warning Sign...when this becomes your kids home page

Believe it or not, this freaking nutcase is now a "hero" to some people. That's the good news!

The bad news is that all of them are nuts too. Yesterday in Huntersville, NC, a high school kid pointed a handgun at two other students in a school parking lot at North Mecklenburg High School. He didn't fire and ,by the end of the day, killed himself. As the rock group Chicago once sang, "Only the beginning".

Cho said in his "manifesto" to NBC News that "you forced me into a corner". Unfortunately he was in a round room at the time.

He was able to get his his guns because he simply lied on the Virginia buyers form. When asked if he was mentally stable, he checked off the box that said, "Yes, you mother fucker, I am fucking sane. I'm like Jesus. Believe me or I'll fucking eat your eyeballs" and by checking 'yes', he got his gun and the gun shop owner remained sighted.

Perhaps a stronger check might be in order. When I was kid, a security officer at my Dad's business applied for a gun permit in Philadelphia where we lived. Two detectives actually came to our house and had my old man sign an affidavit about the guy.

Today you can get a handgun if you can work the crane machine at the arcade properly. They're in the bin right next to the stuffed rabbits. "Go for the Glock, honey, I only have one quarter left".

I'll tell you, with all the nuts able to get guns, its not so far fetched that sane people ought to be well armed too. Of course, I'd probably shoot off my toe first time around, but I have nine more. Because maybe, just maybe, when Looney Tunes stopped to reload at Virginia Tech, somebody could have blown his balls off. Remember, I'm talking sane people here....like me!