The gigantic 'female', multi-stomached, scaled beast behind the counter at our local post office went nuts when I asked her for twenty .39 cent stamps for the remaining "two centers" I bought when the rates went up. "We sent them all back", proclaimed the globe-like organism angrily.
"Why? Wouldn't you figure people would need some for the "two's ?", asked your MassPube
"It's not my fault if you bought too many", snorted Godzilla's grandmom ...and went on break. Loving this confrontation and hoping to become a knight if I slew the dragon, I waited.
When she arrived back after eating an Orca and two squid, I said, "That's true that I bought too many , but since you are "the post office", I still need the stamps?'
"What do you want ?", she roared, as smoke belched out of her mis-shapen nostrils.
"I already told you...a book of .39's"
"We don't have them. We sent them back. Why don't you just use the two's?".
"Well, it'd be pretty silly to send out a letter with 20 two's and a one center, now wouldn't it? Where would I write the address? So how about you give me stamps that add up to 39."
"Okay, what do you want?"
"How do I know what I want when I have no idea what denominations stamps come in ..... nor do I have any idea what stamps are in your drawer?"
Now I hear laughter in the line behind me as a couple of fellow postal consumers start to break up laughing.
She glances at them with an angry look and then gives them the EVIL EYE and , much to my surprise, they immediately turned into mice and scampered away ......
which is the only thing our local Post Office ever did to help shorten the line in it's entire history.
"Look", I said, "just give me the largest denominations you have that add up to 39."
"Okay", she growls back, "which ones"
"How about 20 38's and 20 1's. "
I hear more laughter behind me.
"We don't have 38's". They don't exist!
"Well, what does exist. Maybe we can start from there"!
And so I wound up with twenty .26 centers and twenty .10 centers....and then after I left, she ate the two people behind me in line. That helped shorten the line too.
For more on gov't drones...go to www.steveklotz.com/blog for today on the hurricane center. personnel shift.
