The scientists at The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists moved their DOOMSDAY CLOCK to five minutes before midnight yesterday. It was at seven minutes before the hour.
They did this due to
1.Global Warming
2. The fact that virtually everbody named Achmed is logged on to nuclear bombs. com... and
3. I assume, because George Bush is in charge of the world, which is akin to making my wife President of Mapquest.
When they finally do put it at midnight, basically the world ends. However, scientists did say they have signed Dick Clark to host the big event. They promise a really rockin' party too, literally!
But before you run out and get a hooker and bring her home to meet the wife, know that they do sometimes move the clock back again, if they can.
It was explained this way by Professor Ishmael D. Harpooner, "It doesn't have a damn thing to do with the state of the world. The clock went digital in 1989 and none of us can set the damn thing. Set it for 5 am and it rings at 5 pm....or the volume's too low when it goes off...or it's on the wrong station. Drives us nuts....and besides we like to fuck with you!"
President Bush has paid no attention to the clock at all because he can't figure out why, on the one they gave him, Mickey's big hand never moves.
