Speaking of Government Drones..

Having trouble digesting bad government ? Try CHINESE for a change.....
.

BEIJING - (off Yahoo News)..China executed (Yes, Executed!!) the former head of its food and drug watchdog on Tuesday for approving untested medicine in exchange for cash, the strongest signal yet from Beijing that it is serious about tackling its product safety crisis.

The execution of former State Food and Drug Administration director Zheng Xiaoyu was confirmed by state television and the official Xinhua News Agency.

During Zheng's tenure from 1998 to 2005, his agency approved six medicines that turned out to be fake, and the drug-makers used falsified documents to apply for approvals, according to previous state media reports. One antibiotic caused the deaths of at least 10 people.

As the gun was put against his temple, the executioner said, "Sorry, Zheng, but here's your reward for doing a heckuva job. Hopefully the new guy will bullet-point your mistakes".

Of course, always ready to improve their human rights record, the Chinese government offers a choice ...
Choose One from Column A and One from Column B...

A: Hanging, Gunshot, Lethal Injection

B. Guillotine, Electrocution, Gas Chamber

Didn't 1200 people die in Hurricane Katrina? How many have been killed in Iraq for no reason now?

Tony Snowjob, just today, says the surge is working. A statement like that gives me hope......hope that someday I'll be able to find a drug that good, to quote Lewis Black.

BANG, ZOOM, ALICE using the CHINESE method.

Meanwhile the Iraqi government has not met a single deadline says a US government report today...and I guarantee the day our troops leave, the Iraqi government won't be far behind. I wouldn't be surprised to find them inside the engine once the plane lands.

You'd think these incompetent turds would have to pay a price besides a) admitting that they were wrong and b) that they were given bad information three years from now on Meet The Press as they plug their book....like with Tony Blair's old cabinet now admitting they were wrong to go to Iraq.

"Air hellair. So veddy sorry". Ta Ta".......Anybody up for Chinese?

Leadership Update

Pope Bendadick the 16th visited Brazil last week and brought his anti-poverty, sexually prurient, "lead a Christian life", anti-abortion,anti-violence message to the country that has more Catholics per capita than any other..

...........and their religion has really paid off for them .........as Brazil is a place where poverty is so massive it makes your local neighborhood ghetto look like Rodeo Drive...where the world's sexiest women march around 97% naked on the beach (God bless them) and the men are mucho macho constantly grabbing their weiners in public (better theirs than mine, frankly) ......and where wholesale crime and violence in the form of kidnapping, gang violence, and murder float in a sea of manure just down the street from the "best" neighborhoods.

Yep, it's a Catholic country, Jesus overlooks Rio from the mountain above.....just watch a movie called "City of God" if you want to learn about Brazil........and my favorite gold-bedecked , purple-shoe wearing, former Hitler Youth, Il Papa, spoke to the masses in a soccer stadium as every freaking hypocrite in the Southern hemisphere probably would have killed each other to see him.
Bendadick snapped this picture of two novitiate Brazilian nuns walking to Baptism on a Brazilian beach as proof that his message of love and peace is getting across.!

His exact words when he walked back onto his airplane were ,"How'd we do?" as his trip treasurer started counting up the shekels given to him by the poor for his blessing....and "See, you can fool all of der pipple all of der time".

Protocol with President Bush and Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II

President Bush looked rather uncomfortable in white tie and tails as he hosted the White House dinner for the Queen. Instead of reading about US-British relations over the years, he prepared for wearing his fancy suit by watching "March of the Penguins" for the 4th time, still trying to grasp the story line.

His gift to the Queen of an egg which he personally delivered to her by waddling over while holding it on top of his feet really touched Her Majesty, as she turned to her Ambassador and said, "What a fucking idiot!".

Bush's entire cabinet, in order to learn more about how to act in white tie and tails also watched Happy Feet, that delightful kids animated film about the penguins and global warming affecting their environment.

The film was delayed when Vice President Cheney threw his shoe at the screen screaming something about Al Gore ... and delayed again when he couldn't stop cheering for the illegal fishing boat ......and then again for the oil exploration team.

Luckily the movie finished in time for the dinner where the Veep and the entire cabinet tap danced over to Prince Phillip, explaining to Phil that he was too stiff ........and to "put a little fun in his life. Try dancing". Prince Phillip declined the invitation.

Cheney, never one to give up, then asked him to go hunting! He declined that as well. The night ended early when Paul Wolfowitz asked the Queen out on a date promising her a better job........and Prince Phillip said to the Queen, "Tell them the baby sitter called and lets get the 'ell out of here".

So YOU want to be a Czar

According to Reuters, The Washington Post reported today that Alfred E. President is trying to hire a "Czar" to run the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Why not? He already has a personal choice of two Rasputins, one of which, as the picture below clearly shows, acts as a second head for Fearless Leader.
Gregori Rasputin was the insane monk who controlled Czarina Alexandra,who was married to the last of the Romanov's, Czar Nicholas II. Rasputin was a madman and the Czar was pussy whipped. Bad combination and it didn't work out well for either of them.

Nicholas was killed by Bolsheviks after the nobles killed Rasputin, just before the Bolsheviks killed them. The nobles shot Rasputin, stabbed him and threw the still-living nutcase into the freezing Volga River. He was still screaming when he floated away. I assume, since its been 90 years since they did this.....he's finally dead.

But check the photos above , just in case there is re-incarnation. Any resemblence between him and Karl Rove is purely coincidental, we are assured.

Rasputin, btw, is far less scary looking than the two current choices for "Official Mad Monk". He looks like he plays bass in a grunge band in Seattle.


The White House, in it's never ending search to find others to blame, has asked three Generals if they want the job of "Czar". They've all turned it down. MassPube Investigative Reporting reports that a Corporal Agarn of "F Troop" is now being considered as The White House keeps going down through the ranks. His first question concerning the enemy was ,"Where the Heck-Ow-Wee?" Bush announced that Agarn did a "heckuva" job during the interview.

The three Generals decided on easier jobs. One of the Generals is now delivering Vaseline at Sing Sing. Another is a cat herder on Brokeback Mountain and the third decided to become Chief Rabbi of Islamabad.

Why is it always a "Czar"? The "Czars" were a bunch of assholes. The last one was killed by his own people. But if we're going that way, perhaps a better way to find the right person is with a reality TV show...."So you want to be a Czar".

"Czar????" ,said the winner, Miss Brandy Seymour of Iowa City, an 18 year old part time community college student who portrayed Juliet in her high school play, "Like really, like I thought they said 'star!"

Taxi ! Here's George Jetson........

The United States is hailing the Russian space taxi starting in 2010, which, by the way, is only 3 years away.

We're going to pay Russia $719 million bucks to ride in Russian capsules and rockets as we shuttle our astronauts to the International Space Station because we'll be in-between fleets as we're retiring the old shuttles and moving to a new fleet of Orion vehicles. Remember the Orions are being built in America, the same country that gave us bad tiles and O rings on the old shuttles, the levees of New Orleans, and the current crop of easy-to explode Humvee's in Iraq.
(To digress a moment, isn't it amazing that all the auto ads talk about how safe your car is for suburban driving to soccer games, but we can't equip a Humvee well enough to protect our soldiers from roadside bombs)

This Russian taxi idea beats the first idea ( an idea first put forth by noted space scientist, Ronald Dumsfeld) of standing with a sign and a bag of diapers on old satellites circling the earth with our thumb out waiting for passers-by to help out.
Russians are wary of hitch-hikers anyway ever since we started exporting our horror movies there, especially the women:
Boris: He looks worry friendly. Lets pick him up.
Natasha: Babushka, are you crazy. I think he has an ax.
Boris: Dats not an ax. Its a case of Bud Light.
And when they arrived a day later, there was a bloody hook hanging from their space capsule.


Of course, like all Russian cabbies, they'll make our guys and gals sit in the back seat and be miserable the whole way. The conversation might be:
Our guy: So what part of Russia are you from?
The driver: You never heard of it! Shh, I havt to concentrate.Vhere vere you goink again?
Our guy: I might have heard of it. Try me.
The driver: Taratitsoff.
Our guy: Is that near Moscow.
The driver: Why don't you shut the fuck up and let me drive!

I remember the glory days of the old space race when the headlines read "Russia Launches Artificial Moon" and nobody knew what in hell that was , but we knew we were in trouble because a 4 lb. sphere was making a beeping noise from space. President Eisenhower was really worried.

Eisenhower and then Kennedy put all our scientific know-how into our space race. Science became king. Now under the anti -science current leader of the free world, Alfred E. President, we're reduced to flagging down the Russians to hitch with them.

When we build the Orion, before it leaves the showroom, I'm sure we'll have to set up financing. The Bush's are excited because The Bank of Saudi Arabia is offering 1.5% through November 2010. Lets hope we finish in time.

Night of the Long Noses

The US and Britain are now ranked last according to a UN survey of child welfare in 21 wealthy countries. Hearing that, the Bush administration passed an Executive Order re-naming "No Child Left behind" to "Every Child Left Behind" and declared it a success similar to the one in Iraq.

Another "Mission Accomplished".

An assistant secretary of HHS said, " ...the comparison to these other countries becomes meaningless " because the survey is flawed. He continued that the study used different standards of measurement than we do since "we eliminated all the bad stuff in ours".

Yesterday it was reported that the "new information " on Iran supplying arms to Iraq "insurgents" is two years old. More Bush-shit spouting from the long-nosers in the administration since they're presenting it as brand new. Check the transmission before you buy a used tank from these guys.

The helicopter crash in Iraq that killed a Marine captain from my town last week was called an engine malfunction until tape emerged from Al Jezeera showing it was shot down; tape they saw before they declared it an engine malfunction . A Bush official, Polly Graff, Assistant Secretary of Horseshit stated "Well, they use a different standard in their tapes than we do in ours. We see it as an engine malfunction since the engine did stop just after it got hit by the rocket.

And in major news the Presidential retreat formerly called Camp David is changing it's name to "Pleasure Island" Remember your Pinocchio...." The segment from Pleasure Island is, like much of Pinocchio, a tale of morality. The boys who are taken to the island go voluntarily with the promise of fun and unlimited freedom. While on the island, the children are encouraged to commit acts of vandalism, fight, drink alcohol, smoke cigars, and gamble - all things that good little boys are not supposed to do.
The transformation into a donkey is not instantaneous. When boys arrive on the island, they remain human for some time before showing any signs of change. The first indication is braying replacing the boy's normal laughter, followed by the growth of donkey ears and a tail. The head, and extremities come next, after which the boy is then forced into a quadrupedal stance. The final notable change is losing the ability to speak. Before the donkeys leave Pleasure Island, they are checked to make sure they have lost their ability to vocalize, which signifies they are fully transformed.

If Tony Snow starts braying...start praying! HEE HAW

You've come a long way, Baby! Have we?

My beautiful , talented and outspoken Dixie Chicks won five Grammy's last night. How about that! I like the Chicks and liked them long before they made headlines by speaking out against President "Mission Accomplished".

I met the Chicks once at a radio industry convention. They're genuinely nice ladies, really nice, but when Natalie Maines, their lead singer, said her piece about President Bush a couple of years ago, saying that she was embarassed to be from the same state the imbecile comes from, they were castigated for it. Their CD's were banned on "good ol' boy' country stations and Ms. Maines received death threats from the folks who just love America, but hate everything it's supposed to stand for like ,oh what's that thing called, of yeah, "Free Speech".

The Chicks won every category they were nominated in. Congrats, girls. The Chicks may have to speak out again.

See, we're now hearing that supposedly Iran is sending arms to Iraq. We've even got footage of it. They showed us holes in tanks on CNN and the military is convinced they're Iranian holes.
"Obvious Iranian Hole" or "Hole in Bush's head" ...you decide !

The military and this administration have been 100% wrong on every fact and every rationale , they've presented , as in "weapons of mass destruction" which, FYI, weren't there ....and that this war was a "slam dunk".

I'd be a tidge careful in order that , speaking of music, "we won't get fooled again"

I remind you of The Gulf of Tonkin resolution," the made-up-by- Lyndon Johnson and the military" attack on a US ship which provided the rationale for the The Vietnam War and which "50,000 dead, hundreds of thousands wounded and Lord knows how many Vietnamese killed and maimed" later, turned out to be BULLSHIT.

Let's see...... how does Bush make us think the war is worth a surge ,etc....get our other 'enemy' involved. He counts on a short memory, like his.

George Santayana once wrote, "Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it".
I betcha' Bush thinks Santayana is the Mexican general who killed Davy Crockett.

The Doomsday Clock...is that "spring forward" or " fall backward?"

The scientists at The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists moved their DOOMSDAY CLOCK to five minutes before midnight yesterday. It was at seven minutes before the hour.

They did this due to
1.Global Warming
2. The fact that virtually everbody named Achmed is logged on to nuclear bombs. com... and
3. I assume, because George Bush is in charge of the world, which is akin to making my wife President of Mapquest.

When they finally do put it at midnight, basically the world ends. However, scientists did say they have signed Dick Clark to host the big event. They promise a really rockin' party too, literally!

But before you run out and get a hooker and bring her home to meet the wife, know that they do sometimes move the clock back again, if they can.


It was explained this way by Professor Ishmael D. Harpooner, "It doesn't have a damn thing to do with the state of the world. The clock went digital in 1989 and none of us can set the damn thing. Set it for 5 am and it rings at 5 pm....or the volume's too low when it goes off...or it's on the wrong station. Drives us nuts....and besides we like to fuck with you!"

President Bush has paid no attention to the clock at all because he can't figure out why, on the one they gave him, Mickey's big hand never moves.

The End

For those of you who listened to my podcast "Death by Media" or read my article from two days ago, you'll be pleased to know that Sacramento radio station KDND 107.9 fired their "Morning Rave " talk show hosts and seven other staffers after their well thought out contest to see how much water you could drink without making tinkle. It wound up killing a local woman and contest entrant from "water intoxication". This will probably improve their ratings.

The station markets itself as "the end" and indeed it was for one listener and about 10 others.



This stops their next contest dead in it's tracks. It was to see how much Ex-Lax you could ingest without shitting.

Concerning this, Tony Snow announced that this means that President Bush will have the cork up his ass surgically removed sometime this week. Too bad, because the grand prize was "brush clearing " equpment! But hopefully this will clear his head as just this week he said the Iraqi's owe us a great deal of gratitude for the help and stability we've given them by invading and fighting off the insurgency which wasn't there or close to there until we invaded looking for weapons of mass destruction which weren't there either.

You're welcome!

Bush's "Plan 9 from Outer Space"

Bush did not add the 20,000 troops for Iraq. He added 21,500.

The idea to escalate was originally formulated from a highly clasified document called

Plan 9 from Outer Space ...

... as presented to him by his advisor Ed Wood who wrote the script for and directed the movie of the same name, considered by everyone to be the worst film ever made.

The reason the aliens in the movie want to implement Plan 9 is as follows:

Eros (played, by the way, by the incomparable Dudley Manlove) the alien leader, who has landed on Earth in his pie pan, I mean, flying saucer, tells the humans that his mission was to prevent Earth from developing the "solarbenite" bomb, a weapon of mass destruction as it is a bomb which has the effect of exploding sunlight molecules, by raising the dead for some reason. Eros explains that a solarbenite explosion would destroy everything the sunlight touches, causing a chain reaction that would eventually destroy the entire universe. He explains this with a picture of a gas can and a match. So he wants to blow up the Earth. Sound familiar yet??

Hearing this the "actors" then beat the crap out of poor Eros who just wanted to save the universe so, we assume, that Earth can develop the "solarbenite" , defeat the insurgents, commies , whoever...... probably kill ourselves in the process and ,I guess, take the whole universe with us.

In light of Bush's idea, Plan 9 is starting to sound pretty damn good.

Even John McCain said, "You're doin a heckua job, Eros".

I assume Bush still hopes the extra 21,500 troops will find the "weapons of mass destruction" we went in there for. Remember? It's easy to find a weapon of mass destruction. Give Bush a mirror!

But the good news is that when they're done looking for the WMD's , he's sending what's left of the 21,500 troops to Ireland to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow which he believes will end the deficit problem.

George W. Bush has been wrong about EVERYTHING with this war. EVERYTHING. Like Bob Woodward wrote , it's a "State of Denial" ...and when Bush heard that phrase he wanted to send troops to Egypt since that's the state of de Nile to him. He was talked out of it by clearer thinkers than he, shown below

Bush is the kind of guy who backs up over sharp tire treadles after he passes them , ripping his tires to shreds. That because he doesn't bother to look at the signs that read " Backing up could cause serious tire damage". Than he charges me, you and our kids for the damage. He's the kind of guy who thinks he can pull a turd back up his ass. He is a moron, albeit a dangerous one.

What a mess! I can only the repeat the words of soldier # 21,501, "Whew!"

De-SURGE-nt

President Bush, war hero, wants a 'surge' of US troops in Iraq to control the ever increasing violence in a war we created all by ourselves and, if you haven't noticed, lost. He wants this because he's...oh, what's that phrase...oh yeah...off his freakin' rocker!

Surges might seem good for the moment, but as you can ask any unwed father, they can create a lingering problem. Yeah, this surge should work. Mission accomplished!

To his credit, President Bush has talked with over 400 experts since the election about what to do in Iraq and kept talking until he found two who agreed with him.

One expert was Muhammed Ali El-Kaboom , Vizier of Bubeleh Province north of Baghdad and an Al Qaida member since 1993. It says that on his membership card. "Good thinking", said MuMu (as he's known to friends), "Send more guys and gals over and we'll kill them too. We got plenty of ammo to do it too.".

The other agreeing expert was his daughter Jenna who said, "Daddy, I like surges. Remember when I was in my high school play , the one that I thought was about Arabs parking their animals , Camelot. Billy played Surge Lancelot and he was pretty cute. Yeah, do it. I bet he's cuter now. Now I'm going drinking".
A "surge" is like the Federal income tax. Until 1912, there was no Federal Income tax and when it was enacted, the Federal Government said that "we only need a little to keep things rolling. A surge, so to speak and when we have enough, we won't take any more".

There's never enough, as the Scrooge McDuck Money Bin in the old Donald Duck comics proves. But I bet it hurts when he lands.
THIS TIME 'SURGE' MEANS INCREASING THE TROOPS !!!! HELLLOOOO!!!!.... WHEN 82% OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE AGAINST IT.

Didn't some obscure rock group once sing , "We won't get fooled again". President Imbecile makes his speech tomorrow. In the middle , he and Jenna are going to sing, "If ever I should leave you" in a duet to further attract Billy....and you!

So put your bullshit filters on and hope that Congress stands in his way and that Democrats, so happy to be back in power, use it. If not, they can always change their donkey to an ass.

Illegal Immigration and Lost Economic Opportunity: A MassPube SPECIAL REPORT

I'm reading Pat Buchanan's book "State of Emergency" which pretty much talks about the end of our civilization because of the amount of illegal immigrants coming over our border. I'm not a big fan of all of Pat's philosophies overall, but I do think he's exceptionally bright and also he seems to make good points when I hear him speak.

The numbers are staggering to say the least. Basically Mexico has become a tilted down pinball table and our flippers don't work.

There are so many people of so many nationalities sneaking in from Mexico daily that I'm a first class schmuck for not opening a chain of discount department stores two miles in from the border called "Illegals R'US" offering everything you need to make the next five miles. But that's only one opportunity missed.

Pat's historical point, and one well taken too, is that a country that cannot protect its borders is pretty much doomed. (see the terrific new film "Children of Men" about a rather bleak future with this as one theme). And , by the way, they don't just fill the jobs real Americans don't want. Turns out real Americans do want them, after all. It's just cheaper for shyster companies to hire the cheapest labor and help break the law.

When the very first thing an immigrant does is break the law, i.e., sneak in, they probably won't amount to much. Buchanan says Bush basically is ignoring the law to court the Hispanic vote ...which has backfired as Republican numbers amongst Latinos are very low and basically they all vote Democratic. Pat's quite angry about that.
Hard to believe Bush miscalculated something, but it can happen to anyone. I'm sure it won't happen again until he has to tie his shoelace later today, bends over and hits his head on a bureau.

Law...schmaw. The MassPube believes a great marketing opportunity has been missed.

Especially by The North American Soccer League.

If Buchanan's numbers are correct, and I betcha they are, why is attendance so mediocre at this sport beloved by Latino people. These illegals love soccer and have narcotics and smuggling money to spend. They can't go and that's not fair!

Hence The MassPube suggests "Illegal Immigrant Night" at the opening games next year. Each fan would get a free bag with eyeholes in the colors of their favorite team. The bag would protect them from being identified.....

...but in cities designated as "Sanctuary Cities" of which there are about 20 (places where cops can't by regulation pick up illegals), they wouldn't get a bag. No siree, Bob!

They'd get a Drivers license, free healthcare and free education plus in-state tuition at state colleges and universities ... and a terrific family night at a sporting event.

I only wish you and I could become illegals!

"If you can't lick 'em, join 'em", says The MassPube.

Global warming and The Sirens of Titan

At Kennesaw State University in Georgia, their brand new 175 ton sculpture called "Spaceship Earth", a giant globe with a man walking on it, collapsed yesterday into rubble three months after it was unveiled.

This has to be more than coincidence since on the same day, The International Herald Tribune reported that "British climate scientists predicted yesterday that a resurgent El Nino climate trend combined with higher levels of greenhouse gases could make 2007 the hottest year on record and touch off a fresh round of ecological disasters.

Two weeks ago, a giant ice shelf fell out into the sea from the Arctic point where its been hanging doing nothing , like Bob Dole's pre-Viagra penis, for eons.

Australia's going through it's worst drought ever. British reports also state that the climate change worldwide could result in droughts creating hundreds of millions of refugees and costing nations 5-20% of their gross domestic product each year.

And here in Massachusetts today, on January 4th, it is 60 degrees Fahrenheit. I hate to look a gift horse in the mouth, but HELLLL-OOOO, am I the only one who sees a problem with this.

Refugees .........they'll be hundreds of thousands of them going skiing in Colorado vs. Vermont and New Hampshire. And while it's nice to keep the thermostat down in January, it also opens a whole new can of worms in that women will be bitching about how bad they look in their bathing suits starting right after Christmas. Lord help us! Who needs this

A Cardiff University professor said, " The debate in Europe is about what action needs to be taken while many in the US still debate whether climate change is happening".

Science, for those still thinking about whether climate change is for real , is a word that means "basing theory on rational facts" as opposed to basing it on Jesus' will or on the reason the ignorant may vote for you next election.

And in further science news, SCIENTISTS (people who are trained in science and know more than you do about their subject) now say that the giant moon of Saturn named Titan seems to be Earth like.
A French astrophysicist says,"Indeed, as far as we know,there is only one planetary body that displays more dynamism than Titan. Its name is Earth."

Florida condo developers are already working out the purchase of that tip of land just left of center for a development called "Methane Lakes".

But TITAN may be in trouble too!

New giant orbiting telescopes have revealed that life on Titan is a complex society, ruled by a man named.......

......................................King Stupid the 43rd and he thinks "science" is a party where you sit around a table and talk to the dead.

I'm a man of action however, so I'm looking for the suntan lotion and beach umbrella and my hip boots, just in case that ice shelf decides to do its melting down here.

The anti-Christ wishes you Happy New Year

Should Old aquantance be forgot

And never brought to mind

He ate two pillows off the couch

And one Venetian blind

That's a joke song from the old TV show starring William Bendix called "The Life of Riley" when his neighbor Gillis reported back to Riley in song "code" ....... all because Riley was keeping an illegal goat for a friend and hid it at Gillis' house while the landlord visited.

I never forgot it and it's always the first thing that comes to mind on New Year's Eve.

A New Year dawns for us all. Seems good wishes never work, do they.

Last year we wished everybody good health for the New Year and five friends got cancer in 2006. We toasted success and I lost my job as did my talented friend Bill in the next town while my other friend Bill in Denver never even got one to lose.

So, off to another TV show...

in the spirit of

Seinfeld's George Costanza's

"do the opposite" lifestyle

where everything worked out for him.....

I wish you a year filled with diseases...elephantiasis, berry berry, polio, bird flu.Hell, start with "anal itch" and work your way through "zygotes in your pancreas",etc.

And I wish you an unsucessful year too. I hope you lose your job , your bank closes, you finally get that job at Enron, lose your pension and social security goes bankrupt.

I hope the $500 million dollar winning lottery ticket is you and your wife's birthday numbers and that's the week you forgot to buy one.

I hope your car warranty expires the day before the engine blows.

I hope on your next vacation, you're the one with a full body cavity search from the TSA, while Mustapha, reciting the death prayer from The Koran, is waved through.

I hope you hire legal immigrants as landscapers and they charge you double for a worse job.

I hope there's a orderly's strike when you go in to the hospital for your colostomy.

I hope you get that 4 hour erection from Viagra, the one they're always warning about, and your bubble explodes.

I hope Bush gets his wish and sends more troops into Iraq as a "surge" , the last surge he had being the one where his brain leaked out his ass.

Here's a great quote to end 2006 with, from an Austrian writer named Karl Kraus,"The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so that they believe they are as clever as he".

Kind of a stupid way to wish you a Happy 07, isn't it?

Glad you enjoyed my cleverness!

Gerry Ford 1913-2006

Gerry Ford, best remembered for Chevy Chase's bumbling impression of him, died yesterday at the age of 93. The MassPube always liked Gerry Ford cause he was the right man at the right time. He was a good guy and a good president.

Of course, Richard Nixon, the psychopath, was an easy act to follow. Had Bobo the Wonder Llama been named President after Nixon, he would have done a better job than Nixon too.




BETTER THAN NIXON TOO




Unlike Nixon, Ford was a man of integrity and had something few politicians had then or have today......balls!

Ford went from the frying pan to the fire when he pardoned Richard Nixon after Watergate which, at the time, was considered the reason Ford never won the presidency. Nowadays, everybody realizes he was dead on right. For this, he lost the 1976 election.

Chou En Lai, the former Premier of China said it best with his answer, when asked about the historical effect of the French Revolution, "Too soon to tell". (Actually Chou said "Too soon to terr", but The MassPube has translated it for those of you who don't speak Chinese.) You simply can't judge the impact of events too soon after they happen.

Ford did the right thing. He put the mess behind us, took the heat for the sake of moving on and wound up never being elected to the Presidency. Daniel Webster once said , "I'd rather be right than President" and it didn't work out for him either.

But it did work out for this schmuck..President W praised Ford today for "his quiet integrity, common sense and kind instincts." after Tony Snow wrote that for him and told him to just read off the paper.

Bush credited Ford with helping to heal the nation and restoring confidence in the presidency.He then added, "common sense, did ya ever?" and was slapped in the mouth by Tony Snow who didn't write that. ...then Bush left the podium and went on about his day, dividing the country and lessening confidence in the presidency.

Chou En Lai answered, when asked about the impact of the Bush administration," I arleady know the answel. He's a fleakin' molon. He sclews up evelything. Rold herp us arr"!