My Son, the Medical Clown

Haifa University in Israel is now giving a degree in medical clowning. When I first read the article, I thought this would be the training ground for the the people at insurance companies who turn down claims and juggle with your life, as in "heart, schmart.....transplant REJECTED".

But alas, I was wrong . It's a combo of the departments of nursing and theater.



"I'm afraid it's terminal"





It's a move towards holistic medicine to improve the spirits of hospital patients, like better lights, better decor and better food. Of course waking up from anesthesia and seeing your tubes being tended by some demonic clown probably won't help too much, but that's just one man's opinion. I hope they teach them how to clean up shit because there'd sure be a load in my pants.

The program is being funded by a Swiss foundation. Verbally given the funding request, the foundation liked the idea of supporting hole-istic medicine, figuring it'd be good crossover marketing for their cheese.

Of course, funding is always tough beyond the initial dollars and the clowns and hospitals hope be innovative in their needs , i.e., using cadavers testicles for juggling balls .....

and Lord only knows what they're going to use for balloons to make animal shapes. "We'd like to thank Irv Ginsburg who generously donated his stomach for the making of this blow up giraffe". You can imagine other items they'll be using for balloons yourself.

"The ambulance was late, Mrs. Rubin, because there were over two hundred clowns trying to squeeze in to come with us. Sorry, but since he's dead anyway, the clowns asked if they can have his balls"

If you haven't noticed yet, I hate clowns. Usually they scare the living shit out of me just like they did to Kramer in that famous "Seinfeld" episode. Steven King's scariest book "It" featured a horrifically demonic clown as the main fright point, a clown who lured kids into his lair in the sewers to kill and eat them. Gee, I wonder how he picked that? Yeah, medical clowning...that should work.

This opens up whole new areas, especially for Jewish doctors who wanted to do standup and whose mothers forced them into medicine, "What? Are you crazy. You want to be a comedian. Be a doctor and when you get your degree, I'll come over and laugh at all your jokes. Oy vay".

Maybe he can try it in the surgical suite, "Retractor I said. Retract her I did...and I don't work there any more".