So YOU want to be a Czar

According to Reuters, The Washington Post reported today that Alfred E. President is trying to hire a "Czar" to run the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Why not? He already has a personal choice of two Rasputins, one of which, as the picture below clearly shows, acts as a second head for Fearless Leader.
Gregori Rasputin was the insane monk who controlled Czarina Alexandra,who was married to the last of the Romanov's, Czar Nicholas II. Rasputin was a madman and the Czar was pussy whipped. Bad combination and it didn't work out well for either of them.

Nicholas was killed by Bolsheviks after the nobles killed Rasputin, just before the Bolsheviks killed them. The nobles shot Rasputin, stabbed him and threw the still-living nutcase into the freezing Volga River. He was still screaming when he floated away. I assume, since its been 90 years since they did this.....he's finally dead.

But check the photos above , just in case there is re-incarnation. Any resemblence between him and Karl Rove is purely coincidental, we are assured.

Rasputin, btw, is far less scary looking than the two current choices for "Official Mad Monk". He looks like he plays bass in a grunge band in Seattle.


The White House, in it's never ending search to find others to blame, has asked three Generals if they want the job of "Czar". They've all turned it down. MassPube Investigative Reporting reports that a Corporal Agarn of "F Troop" is now being considered as The White House keeps going down through the ranks. His first question concerning the enemy was ,"Where the Heck-Ow-Wee?" Bush announced that Agarn did a "heckuva" job during the interview.

The three Generals decided on easier jobs. One of the Generals is now delivering Vaseline at Sing Sing. Another is a cat herder on Brokeback Mountain and the third decided to become Chief Rabbi of Islamabad.

Why is it always a "Czar"? The "Czars" were a bunch of assholes. The last one was killed by his own people. But if we're going that way, perhaps a better way to find the right person is with a reality TV show...."So you want to be a Czar".

"Czar????" ,said the winner, Miss Brandy Seymour of Iowa City, an 18 year old part time community college student who portrayed Juliet in her high school play, "Like really, like I thought they said 'star!"