Tuesday, March 6, 2007

A Heartbeat Away

Dick Cheney has a blood clot in his leg. I only wish Leg Cheney had a blood clot in his dick, but you can't always get what you want, as the old refrain goes.

Bill Maher had a great line about the Taliban missing Cheney last week when they shot a rocket into the base he was visiting in Afghanistan because "it was a daylight raid and he was safely asleep in his coffin".

As much as I can't stand the crazy bastard, some people expressed sorrow that the Taliban missed him. Their bad! Who do they think they are, Ann Coulter? We elected him twice as VP and we're stuck with him til he croaks or leaves office. That's the way it goes. Maybe we should be more careful next time and try to elect someone who doesn't actually sneer when he talks.

Well, if you don't understand history, you're doomed to repeat it.

See, if you haven't noticed,Republican presidents are notorious for bad Vice Presidents.

Eisenhower gave us Richard Nixon who was so crazy he makes Cheney look like Dr. Phil.
He wound up being the only president who resigned from office ......but not before he served 5 years with his VP, Spiro T. Agnew , the corrupt Governor of Maryland, who also resigned, pleading "nolo contendre" to charges of bribery and corruption.




Then we got...........


...a nothing Senator from Indiana who who couldn't pluralize 'potato' and who gave us these brilliant quotes:
1.I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican.
2. I have made good judgements in the Past. I have made good judgements in the Future.
3.Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.
4.The future will be better tomorrow.
5.We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward.
6.Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts.
7.What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.
8.[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system.
9.Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.
10.One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

I'm expecting next year's Republican nominee to pick either Whitey Bulger or Schlomo the Wonder Clam.

Speaking of VP's, Tom Eagleton died two days ago. Eagleton was a four or five term Senator from Missouri and, most famously, George McGovern's Vice Presidential running mate in 1972 for about ten minutes .

He was dumped after it was discovered that he had undergone serious treatment for psychological problems, especially depression after campaigning.

Well, it was the days before Prozac. Good thing McGovern dumped him as he was worried that the American people considered him unfit for office...so we elected Agnew for another term.

Well, if you don't understand history, you're doomed to repeat it.



2 comments:

Steve ("Klotz" As In "Blood") said...

When Mary Cheney, Vice's pregnant lesbian daughter heard about this attempt on her father's life, she called her media contacts to tell them she would run for president in 2008 so she could declare war in Talibania to avenge her family's honor. "That worked for George W with Huseein in Iraq," she stated, "and the American people approved it!"

Cooler heads prevailed, and she withdrew the statement, saying "My plans are only to go out for lunch and have this baby," or maybe it was the other way round.

Skizzi said...

When will Cheney learn?
Klotz aren't just for kids anymore..