The Doomsday Clock...is that "spring forward" or " fall backward?"

The scientists at The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists moved their DOOMSDAY CLOCK to five minutes before midnight yesterday. It was at seven minutes before the hour.

They did this due to
1.Global Warming
2. The fact that virtually everbody named Achmed is logged on to nuclear bombs. com... and
3. I assume, because George Bush is in charge of the world, which is akin to making my wife President of Mapquest.

When they finally do put it at midnight, basically the world ends. However, scientists did say they have signed Dick Clark to host the big event. They promise a really rockin' party too, literally!

But before you run out and get a hooker and bring her home to meet the wife, know that they do sometimes move the clock back again, if they can.


It was explained this way by Professor Ishmael D. Harpooner, "It doesn't have a damn thing to do with the state of the world. The clock went digital in 1989 and none of us can set the damn thing. Set it for 5 am and it rings at 5 pm....or the volume's too low when it goes off...or it's on the wrong station. Drives us nuts....and besides we like to fuck with you!"

President Bush has paid no attention to the clock at all because he can't figure out why, on the one they gave him, Mickey's big hand never moves.

Speaking of radio, check out this news from the Planet Vulcan

Go to this link, that's right, just click on it
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/15/technology/15radio.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

for an amazing story from The New York Times about .....

The media in San Francisco

The power of blogging and

The fear of big media companies when they're feeling a wee bit threatened by a suitable part of the audience fed up with untethered arch conservative talk show hosts....and the power of just one person who took a stand.

I once took a stand, but my mother made me give it back.


What in hell is going out there with radio? Sacramento's KDND yesterday ... (see my earlier posts "Death by Media" two days ago or "The End " today)...San Francisco today! What in hell is in the water out there. Man, a little really cold weather and the big boys go whacko. BRAIN FREEZE !!

It all started when a reputable blogger (aren't we all? ) named Spocko at http://www.spockosbrain.com took on KSFO and , with some help, asked advertisers if they actually knew the right wing attitudes they were sponsoring. Hateful words were being spewed over the airwaves in the City by the Bay according to Spocko and it's creating quite a stir as old Spocko is being threatened with a lawsuit by Disney .....who owns ABC.... who owns the station ....who swallowed a fly ...because , again according to Spocko, advertisers pulled their ads.

If it's left to the lawyers, Spocko will be leaving more than his heart in San Francisco.

It's complicated , The NY Times sums it up well, liberal , biased bastards that they are, and you can draw your own conclusions.

I once drew my own conclusions but my mother made me erase them.

Conservative radio in San Francisco??? Sounds like that'd work as well as an all Klezmer station in Tehran or Damascus, but I betcha they get the ratings. I believe KSFO is a pretty big station and quite powerful.

You can also check this out at the excellent blog at http://steveklotz.com/blog.

Good luck Spocko, live long and prosper!

The End

For those of you who listened to my podcast "Death by Media" or read my article from two days ago, you'll be pleased to know that Sacramento radio station KDND 107.9 fired their "Morning Rave " talk show hosts and seven other staffers after their well thought out contest to see how much water you could drink without making tinkle. It wound up killing a local woman and contest entrant from "water intoxication". This will probably improve their ratings.

The station markets itself as "the end" and indeed it was for one listener and about 10 others.



This stops their next contest dead in it's tracks. It was to see how much Ex-Lax you could ingest without shitting.

Concerning this, Tony Snow announced that this means that President Bush will have the cork up his ass surgically removed sometime this week. Too bad, because the grand prize was "brush clearing " equpment! But hopefully this will clear his head as just this week he said the Iraqi's owe us a great deal of gratitude for the help and stability we've given them by invading and fighting off the insurgency which wasn't there or close to there until we invaded looking for weapons of mass destruction which weren't there either.

You're welcome!

Government 'Bake Sale" half baked.

There's a bumper sticker that says something like "It'll be a better world when schools get all the money they need and the Air Force has to have a bake sale to build a bomber".

Well , finally the Government listened! "WASHINGTON - The U.S. military has sold forbidden equipment at least a half-dozen times to middlemen for countries -- including Iran and China -- who exploited security flaws in the Defense Department's surplus auctions. The sales include fighter jet parts and missile components. " That's from The Associated Press on Yahoo news this morning. It continues ,"The sales were to a Pakistani arms broker convicted of exporting U.S. missile parts to Iran resumed business after his release from prison. He purchased Chinook helicopter engine parts for Iran from a U.S. company that had bought them in a Pentagon' surplus sale. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents, speaking on condition of anonymity, say those parts made it to Iran....Federal investigators are increasingly anxious that Iran is within easy reach of a top priority on its shopping list: parts for the precious fleet of F-14 "Tomcat" fighter jets the United States let Iran buy in the 1970s when it was an ally."

They saw the ad in The Terrorist Times, "Yard Sale 7am -7pm this Saturday at US Pentagon. No early birds please. All sorts of great stuff. No ID required."

The Pentagon spokesperson, General A.E Neuman, said,

"We always use The Terrorist Times. We sell out after every ad"

I love the guy that the Pentagon sold the parts to ; a Pakistani arms dealer just out of prison!
"So Abdul, what are you going to do with all these parts and arms
I plan to sell them to countries to kill Americans with them.
Not a problem, Checkout is to your left. And come again"

"Countries don't die from murder, they die from suicide!", a famous historian once wrote. But when our guys and gals get bombed , know they're being bombed by well made American products, not some foreign piece of crap. That'll make you feel better.

In other mideast news Saddam Hussein's (now literally) half brother (when he was kidnapped a few years ago, they put his picture on a container of Half and Half) , Barzan Ibrahim , was hanged yesterday and, when they opened the trap door with the noose around his neck and let him drop, his head came off. Ouch!

The Sunni's are angered. Beheaded, can you imagine? The Iraqi government asked that it not be blamed as they bought the rope at a US Government Surplus auction and, according to Prime Minister Nouri El-Maliki "that is the last time we do that."

He continued, "I got that, some used roller blades and an old snow blower at Bush's Yard Sale and he told me they all worked. I bet the snow blower is a a piece of junk too " .

Caveat Emptor!

Death by Media.

Another Bush voter was sadly killed on Sunday in Sacramento. Although this one is so stupid, maybe she voted for Kerry.

Radio station KDND 107.9 ran a contest to see how much water a person could drink without making tinkle. Turns out that the correct answer is : "A little less than Jennifer Strange drank" as the 28 year old waterlogged moron died of "water intoxication" in her suburban Rancho Cordoba home. "

The contest winner would have won, are you ready, a Nintendo Wii video game system. Perhaps they should change that to a "Wii Wii system" as the backup of wii-wii caused her death.

FIRST PRIZE






SECOND PRIZE








Media has a , pardon the pun, "Strange" way of causing people to react. Since the TV hanging of Saddam Hussein, kids all over the world, after viewing it, are hanging themselves. In Texas, Turkey, Pakistan and Yemen, kids pretended to be Saddam and met the same fate by their own hand. They did this, in The MassPube's opinion, because TV blurs the line constantly between what's real and what isn't.

Remember that American soldier kidnapped in the early days of the war and the news followed it until she was rescued. One week later there was a TV movie about it. News becomes entertainment becomes news. Hence, the public, not nearly as intelligent as you or I, get a blurred picture. What's real. What isn't...who cares. At least I can tell the difference



On a football note, next week are the league championship games and it is my hope that the Burger King, who played so well in so many highlight films this year during the games, gets off injured reserve and plays for the Patriots.

Time for a commercial 'brake' on the NFL

I've decided I love the Mucinex decongestant commercials they've been running on the football games on TV the best. I love them because the star of the commercials is a talking lunger, a loogie.

My wife gets mad when I pick my nose and says it is filthy to do so ... ( My argument is that the finger and nose fit like the penis and the vagina and if God had meant for us not to pick our nose, he would either have made much smaller nostrils or much larger fingers. I mist admit this argument falls on deaf ears.)..... but my wife always laughed at the cartoon Mucinex character on TV until I informed her that it was your basic boogie doing the talking.

For some reason, ad agencies think people who watch football games are rough and tough like the players and we love to own trucks. Odd , I never ever see a freaking La-Z-Boy recliner advertised. Yep, beer and truck advertising...a really good mix unless you're in the tiny car right in front of the truck after the game.

If I see the "Rock em Sock em" Robots commercial one more time for ,I think, Toyota trucks, I swear never to buy a Toyota truck as long as I live. Fox seems to be running it at least three times per break and , while cute the first time, it's just boring these days. The original Japanese script called for "Lock em, Sock em Lobots" but they cancerred that idea.

Chevy is running the hell out of their commercials with John Mellenkamp's "This is our country" music. Maybe they're trying to sell the fact you're more American if you buy one, but I have a feeling most of the truck buyers they're targeting don't know the lyrics as they're concentrating too much attention to the images, not the words.

The former Cougar wrote a good song. Here's some of the lyrics and , might I add, "Fuck the Truck"

I can stand beside

Things I think are right

And I can stand beside

The idea of stand and fight

And I do believe

There’s a dream for everyone

This is our country......

There's room enough here

For science to live

And there's room enough here

For religion to forgive

And try to understand

The other people of this world

This is our country

From the east coast

To the west coast

Down the Dixie HighwayBack home

This is our country

That poverty could be

Just another ugly thing

And bigotry could be

Seen only as obscene

And the ones that run this land

Will help the poor and common man

This is our country

From the east coast

To the west coast

Down the Dixie HighwayBack home

This is our country

The dream will never leave

And some day it will come true

And it’s up to me and you

To do the best that we can do

And let the voice of freedom

Sing out through this land

This is our country

Thank you, Mr. Mellencamp. For an interesting take on this , go to "westofshockoe. blogspot.com" .

Sincerely, Jack and Diane

Animal Update

If you listened to yesterday's podcast "The Headless Pit Bull" (just click on it to the right to listen now.), there is some follow-up. The two kennel owning women have, in fact, been arrested for killing "Nitrous" the pitbull in Mashpee, Massachusetts. The evidence was , as Chief of Police Desi R Dozenhee stated, "The dog had a head when left off in their care and didn't have one a few days later". From the picture of one of the women in The Boston Globe today, my bet is she was going to use it for a head transplant as I am sure the former "Nitrous" was better looking than her.


Also check out a website called http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com. It's hysterical and , fyi, they do.