Las Vegas Catholic Priests showing better taste than Boston

As The Las Vegas Herald reported yesterday,"A Roman Catholic priest , George Chaanine,52,accused of beating and sexually assaulting a female employee, Michaelina Bellamy,54, at his Las Vegas parish and fleeing to Arizona could soon be extradited to Nevada to face charges, an FBI official said.
Ms. Bellamy, a former showgirl who worked at the parish office where Father Chaanine was an administrator, told Las Vegas police that she was sitting at her desk when Chaanine broke a full bottle of wine over her head, grabbed her by the hair and dragged her down a hall toward his office.
God bless Ms. Bellamy ....who fought back, lost consciousness, and awoke with Chaanine touching her private parts, according to the police report. She continued fighting until Chaanine straddled her and grabbed her throat. Bellamy told detectives she began to pray for her life before the attack suddenly stopped. After the assault, Bellamy told police Chaanine muttered that he was going to kill himself, told Bellamy to wait 15 minutes, said he would call an ambulance, and left the church."

Sadly, the bastard, didn't kill himself, but fled to Arizona. Luckily, except for psychological scars and a hurting head , Ms. Bellamy will be OK, but here's the amazing part:" Chaanine has been suspended with pay from his position as church administrative pastor. "

His excuse was "It ain't my fault if they can't recruit enough altar boys. My Church was Our Lady of Las Vegas and , shit, I thought they meant her."


Former Cardinal Bernie Law of Boston, above... on 'Funny Hat Day" remarked, "Wow, sexually attacking women? There's somethin' new and I think it's a step in the right direction."

How will the Dicocese of Las Vegas replace him? According to the diocesan website, here's how you become a priest......
Ask yourself these questions: my answers in red
"WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE A PRIEST?"....Pretty good especially if you used to be a sailor in The Turkish Merchant Marine.
"WHAT DOES IT TAKE?"...Vaseline and empty wine bottles , obviously!"
HOW DO I KNOW IF GOD IS CALLING ME?" ...Its not God calling. If you think God is calling, call a shrink immediately. It's probably NAMBLA or a rape crisis line.
"WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I AM INTERESTED IN BECOMING A PRIEST?": first, learn to masturbate a lot and second,please convert to Judaism , so when you attack, its the Jews that look bad!
The first step we suggest is to simply talk with your parish priest or any other priest with whom you can be comfortable and open. Trust me , he'll bend over backwards for you. Having such priests at your disposal will enable you to have your questions and concerns answered in a very personal way."

Suspended with pay???? Yowsuh, that celibacy thing is working out A-OK. Will these guys ever learn? Will we?

Jesus, please help us!!!!!!