Animal House

1. At Depauw University in Indiana, 23 girls who are overweight and/or not so pretty by sorority standards were summarily tossed out of the Delta Zeta sorority. Know as "The Doghouse", the sorority hopes to change it's image. They are renaming it the "Ku Klux Kuties" as the final stage of the image change.

Greek Board president, Peter Gozinya of Eata Pisa Pi fraternity, said , "It's about time. Looks are everything to us here in Indiana". Gozinya, also chairman of the campus "Romney for President " club, continued, " They once all came to one of our parties and it lowered the 'looks' index by 10 points. We can't have that!". The 23 expelled members are now said to be forming thier own sorority ... and plan to have their float, tentatively called "The Deathmobile", in this year's Greek parade through town.

Tammy Pon (left), Delta Zeta president said, "It's not like we have like hard feelings. Like good luck with their float. I hope they like win first prize, actually I like hope they win 2nd prize because good looking girls should win first prize".

2. At The Denver Zoo a few days ago, a jaguar killed it's 27 year old keeper when she entered it's cage alone. The jaguar was the nicer of two owned by the zoo in La Paz , Bolivia which had sent the cat to Denver. It's name was "Jorge" or "George" and it was named for George W. Bush. It's much meaner brother was so mean that La Paz keepers named it "Osama".

Zookeepers described "Jorge" as "nice but really ,really stupid". His last words, just before they killed him, were "We must stay the course in Iraq because we're winning". The zookeepers said as they removed the carcass, "See what we mean!".
In Jorge's cage, zookeepers found electronic equipment which they believe he was using to monitor the howls and barks of other Denver zoo animals, brush clearing equipment, and a half read copy of a book entitled, "My Pet Goat" which, in this case, was a cookbook.
In La Paz, over 5,000 zookeepers searched the fiberglass fake cave in Osama's cage, but cannot find him anywhere. "We have no idea where he is.", said head zookeeper Jose Ken Usee. Meanwhile a disgruntled , fired keeper, Al Jezeera, said he has a tape of the missing animal.