I hate unenclosed heights. My testicles begin to recede into my abdomen at the thought. So , when I was in Arizona earlier this week, just looking at the TV as they showed the grand opening of the new U-shaped skywalk at the Grand Canyon..... the one which sticks out over the canyon...... the one with the glass floor which gives you a view to the bottom of the canyon.......... that canyon floor being 4000 feet below. ......my nuts receded so far up, they thought I had a brain tumor!
"Check your testicles as you enter, take an ID tag and when you come off the skywalk, be sure you match the tag number to the the right set of nuts because many testicles look alike.", the sign says. They learned that from the baggage carousel at the airport. There's about 8 white guys, I hear, walking around this week with brown nuts as they were totally disoriented after leaving the skywalk.
"These aren't mine", one, a Mr. Meckler , said. "Please keep them" , said his wife.
I think Buzz Aldrin made the first ceremonial walk on the skywalk.......and was bright green when he walked off.
What in hell is holding this thing up? Super Glue? I mean we're the country that built the levees in New Orleans. I just about puked when I went to the Canyon a few years ago and stood on the edge (kind of) and "tried" to look down. I stood there long enough to see a swarm of mosquitoes flying halfway down the canyon.....turns out they were helicopters!Many people see the skywalk as a sacrilege to a beautiful natural place.Of course it is. Our idea of a sacred place is how much profit we can glean from it...... "Get your Battle of Gettysburg T-shirts heah" is the real battle cry.
Many are concerned that the ancient gods of the Native Americans may be angered. Turns out they couldn't care less. I asked the Native American God of Heights, Two Balls Rising, what he thought and he said, "Put out the incense, damnit, I'm already sick in the stomach just from watching them build it".I asked him how they name Indian children. He said they are named after an outstanding and obvious quality.
I hope you enjoyed today's blog. Sincerely
One Jew Puking
3 comments:
Now you know the REAL reason Lisa Marie Nowack-o and the other astronauts wear those stylish rubber diapers.
When I visited the Grand Canyon, and beheld with mine own two eyes the enormity of the earth's great gash, I got horny.
"These aren't mine", one, a Mr. Meckler , said. "Please keep them" , said his wife.
That could never happen. My wife has my balls safely in her possession. Has for quite some time.
2 things are going to happen with this eye sore:
1)Someone will plan and execute a base jump, probably get arrested and cause stricter security at the site which will increase the thrill of walking on it from $25 to $50 a person.
2)An alcoholic gambler from one of the nearby reservations will jump to his/her death and cause a larger fence surrounding it and more security protecting it. Causing the price to go from $25 to $50 a person.
Not unlike other entertainment attractions people will pay an exorbitant amount of money to have the shit scared out of them for a short period of time while their picture is taken to show friends back at the office.
BTW - I can't wait to walk on it!
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